Once upon a time, Kashmir was proud of its no-dowry marriages. A predominantly Muslim society, Kashmir always boasted of Mahr, where the groom had to pay to his bride as part of the marriage contract. The outside world hailed the Muslim marriages, particularly in Kashmir. This is now history. Marriages have now become extremely expensive. Dowry has become a norm. An earning-hand bride is the preferred choice. The institution of marriage, which Kashmir was once proud of, is crumbling under the weight of greed, modernity and selfishness. Marriages are leaving Kashmir families financially broke. People take huge loans for marriages but are unable to repay. Some even mortgage their property to borrow loans. They continue to pay the EMI till their death. Sometimes their children pay the EMI to clear the loans. Wedding-related spending has emerged as one of the biggest contributors to household liabilities in Kashmir. Weddings burden families financially. The stability of finances becomes negative when people spend beyond their means. Some people sell valuables just to keep others happy. Unchecked extravagance complicates the situation. Society looks down upon people who arrange a simple wazwan with limited dishes. An extravagant wazwan is a status symbol. Unless you throw a wazwan with 10 to 15 dishes, you will not be able to reclaim your social status. Our society is morally decaying and that too very fast. Bride’s parents are forced to pay dowry. Gold, jewelry, assets, and even a piece of land are a new norm. The groom’s family accepts it without any shame. Some call it future security for the couple without realizing how the bride’s family has managed it. There is a rat race among people to give dowry to the groom. What is more alarming is that groom’s families seek working brides. The first condition for the groom or his family is that the bride should be an earning hand. A government employee is the preferred choice. What is more alarming is that we are turning a blind eye to these ills in our society. Kudos to non-profit organizations for realizing the societal decay and arranging mass marriages. The government also deserves praise for the marriage assistance scheme. The scheme is proving to be a lifeline for poor girls. Under the scheme, an unmarried girl from an Antyodaya Anna Yojana (AAY) family is given Rs 75000 cash assistance for marriage. Likewise, the girl from the Priority Household (PHH) family is entitled to Rs 50,000 cash assistance. Our imams, religious leaders, community elders and civil society have a responsibility to rid society of all ills. There should be a code of conduct for marriages. The time has come when community leaders should regulate marriages. Those demanding or accepting dowry should be ostracized. Unless we take stringent steps, this menace will not end.
Wedding debt
