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Me(n)Too: Abused when young, fear of shame turns them quiet  

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By Naveed Suhail

Anantnag, Nov 13: “I know him well. I see him sometimes,” says Rashid (name changed), a handsome young man, whose facial features are hard to miss.

It feels as if I am being abused right now, right here” he says turning his face away, as his characteristic smile fades. “I feel ashamed of myself.”

 

Rashid lives in a village near Qazigund, Anantnag, hailing from a well-off family. He has studied in some of the best schools in the south Kashmir district.

Now in college, he met the worst in his life when he was in class five.

During a brief summer vacation then, a family friend gave him an “everlasting” and “most traumatic memory” of his life. Rashid was sexually abused.

“Traumatic, haunting or any other word cannot describe what it feels like to be a victim of child abuse,” he says.

Rashid recollects that he had gone to fetch peaches for his sisters from their orchard, where his parents didn’t allow him to go alone

His abuser, then a man in his 20s, he says, asked the 11-year-old Rashid to lie beside him on the green orchard surface.

“And the next thing I remember is…,” his voice trails off. “Later, he told me not to tell anyone about it. I complied.”

“I wonder if I told anyone back then, or a few years later, what would have happened,” he says, citing the reported cases where in no action followed. “Even the girl victims are not taken seriously. When it comes to boys, the people won’t believe it.”

Rashid has only recently opened up to his two close friends, gaining courage to think of exposing his abuser. Only the realisation of the accused being married and having a son stopped him.

At first, however, he didn’t realise what had happened. And later, when he had understood the bitter fact, he didn’t know what to say.

“I was ashamed, and today I am silent because of the society, which won’t accept me. I will be seen as unchaste. I am silent considering what my parents might have to go through.”

The accused in child abuse cases are convicted in only about 15% of the incidents. The male-child sexual abuse is under-researched and under-reported field, while reports indicate that crime against children in the valley is on the rise.

Rashid aspires to join Indian Administrative Service (IAS) to “make a difference”.

Unlike him, Shadab (name changed), a resident of Srinagar city, chose not to be entirely quiet about his worst nightmare, which happened to him in the favourite place of his childhood—his maternal home.

“I was very young, maybe in class second or third when it happened for the first time,” says Shadab.

Shadab says he told his brother, who is five years elder to him and cared for him.

“But he did nothing,” says Shadab, who asks a great deal of questions about society and sexuality, wondering if his brother understood the gravity of his trauma.

Shadab doesn’t want to talk to his brother about it anymore. He hasn’t visited his maternal home.

“It happened again after that, twice. The next year, he sodomised me again and had oral sex with me,” says Shadab, “It all would happen at night, when I was to sleep with him in his room.”

Shadab says he could not bear the physical and the mental pain that the abuse brought.

“I started having nightmares.”

He says he could not realise what had befallen till he was in class 10—the year in which he, he believes, turned into a porn-addict due to his childhood trauma.

“Sexual scenes would pacify me, I would feel relaxed like never before,” says Shadab.

“This might seem like a confession, but it is not. I have abnormal sexual behaviour and sexual drives, but it isn’t my fault,” Shadab, who curses himself, says.

Battling mood swings, he doesn’t have good terms with his family.

“I often get into conflict with them, though I feel bad about it later.”

Reading about the people who share his ordeal calms him, he says.

Shadab recently finished his college, and is set to join university for his post-graduation, aiming to become an appreciated individual.

Experts point out a flaw in the society for the indifference towards child sexual abuse cases. Dr Mudassir Hassan, Clinical Psychologist at the Government Medical College Srinagar, says: “The people believe that we live in a highly Islamic or religious culture, and, as such, things like these become a taboo in our society.”

He says the victims of sexual abuse suffer “psychotic issues” and need “professional help”.

“People bring to us some children who are depressed, showing abnormal behaviour, get unconscious, or keep crying. And almost every day, one among them is a victim of physical abuse,” says the psychologist.

“The problem is that the people think they are mentally-ill or gone mad. But in reality, they are the victims of sexual harassment,” he says.


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3 militants killed in Baramulla gunfight

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Srinagar, Jan 23: Three militants were killed in an encounter between militants and government forces at Binner village of north Kashmir’s Baramulla district on Wednesday.

Quoting official sources said that three militants had been killed while searches were still underway.

The slain trio was affiliated with Lashkar-e-Toiba militants. “They were identified as Shoaib Akhoon of Khanpora, Mosin Mushtaq of Qazihamam and Nissar Darzi of Jamia Mohalla Old Town,” the news agency quoted an anonymous army officer saying.

 

Earlier, SSP Baramulla Imtiyaz Hussain also confirmed the exchange of firing between militants and joint team of police and other government forces in the area.

A police spokesman said based on a credible input about the presence of militants in Binner, forces launched a cordon and search operation in the area.“As the searches were going on, the search party was fired upon by the militants. The fire was retaliated leading to a gunfight,” the spokesman said.

“In the ensuing encounter, three militants were killed and the bodies were retrieved from the site of encounter. Their identities and affiliations are being ascertained,” he said.

“Incriminating material including arms and ammunition was recovered from the site of encounter. Police have registered a case and initiated investigation in the matter,” he added.

“Citizens are requested not to venture inside the encounter zone since such an area can prove dangerous due to stray explosive materials. People are requested to cooperate with police till the area is completely sanitized and cleared of all the explosive materials if any,” the spokesman said.

 

Six militants buried after multiple funerals

Srinagar, Jan 23: Thousands of people on Wednesday participated in the multiple funerals of six militants, including the brother of an IPS officer, in Shopian and Pulwama districts in south Kashmir.

Three Hizbul Mujahideen militants–Shamsul Haq Mengnoo son of Mohammad Rafiq of Dragad Shopian, Aamir Suhail Bhat son of Abdul Aziz of Chidipora Chitragam Shopian, Shoaib Ahmad Shah son of Ghulam Rasool of Shermal Shopian–were killed in a gunfight with government forces in Shirmal area of Zainapora, Wednesday.

Shamsul Haq had left studies at Bachelors of Unani Medicine and Surgery (BUMS) at government college here in Zakura campus and joined militant ranks in May last year. His elder brother, Inam-ul Haq, is a 2012-batch IPS officer and presently posted in North East.

Eyewitnesses said that a large number of people participated in funeral prayers of the slain militants at their respective villages.
At Chidipora, there were minor clashes between government forces and youth. The government forces fired few rounds in air but there were no reports about any injury to anyone.

Apart from them, funeral prayers were also offered for three militants of Al-Badr militant outfit— Sabzar Ahmad son of Ali Mohammad Mir of Lassipora Pulwama, Syed Rabani son of Mohammad Hussain of Nazneenpora Shopian and Towseef Ahmad Itoo son of Abdul Aziz of Nowpora Payeen Pulwama. The trio from were killed in a gunfight Hapatnar area in Budgam on Monday.

At Shoaib’s and Syed Rabani’s funerals at Shermal and Nazneenpora Shopian, some militants appeared and offered gun salutes to the slain, reports said.

Reports said that multiple funerals were offered to the slain. Later the slain were laid to rest at their respective native places. A spontaneous shutdown continued on the second consecutive day in Shopian and Pulwama to mourn the killings. Shops and other business establishments are closed while traffic was off the road in the twin districts where internet also remained suspended by the authorities. (GNS)

 

Srinagar grenade attacks:Six arrests made so far: DGP

Srinagar, Jan 23: Director General of Police Dilbagh Singh Wednesday said that six persons have been arrested so far in connection with the recent grenade attacks in summer capital, Srinagar.

Singh was quoted saying so by news agency Kashmir News Service, that “one person was arrested with the help of Delhi police.”

“Militants were planning to hurl more grenades in public places, but the police successfully busted their module,” he told the news agency.

About the January 26 function, the DGP said all the preparations have been done in Srinagar and other districts of the valley. “Militant organisations are hell-bent to disrupt January 26 function. They have been making such attempts in the past as well by throwing grenades to discourage and pressurize people,” he was quoted saying.

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R-Day event: Frisking intensified, traffic diversions in city from today

Kashmir News Service

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Srinagar, Jan 23: The security has been beefed up across Kashmir valley especially in the summer capital Srinagar in view of the Republic Day (January 26) functioned to be held here. All the entry and exit points under close security vigil while some important roads suspended for vehicular movement.
ADGP Law and Order Muneer Ahmed Khan told KNS that the security arrangements have been finalised for the Republic Day function. “We have made all the arrangements and only the drill is to be followed,” he said.
Asked in wake of the grenade attacks if there is a security concern, Khan said all the necessary arrangements have been done and full-proof security apparatus is in place. “All important entry and exit points across the city are manned by security forces and other security equipments,” he said.
Meanwhile, the traffic police has suspended traffic on some key city roads causing inconvenience to people.
The City Traffic Police said that due to security reasons the traffic movement from Sonawar upto Ram Munshi Bagh Road stretch including Dalgate-Ram Munshi Bagh, Radio Kashmir-Ram Munshi Bagh & Gupkar-Ram Munshi Bagh will remain suspended on 24th and 26th of January-2019 from early morning hours upto 1400 hours.
The motorists intending to travel from South Kashmir-Pantha Chowk towards City Centre shall adopt Bypass road stretch and vice versa. Similarly the motorists intending to travel South Kashmir from City Centre and Down Town areas shall adopt Batamaloo-Tengpora-Bypass or Rambagh-Natipora road stretch to reach Pantha Chowk. Any inconvenience caused is highly regretted.

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POLL TACTICS: Parties resort to rhetoric, rejig undone manifestos

Mudassir Kuloo

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Srinagar, Jan 23: With J&K administration gearing up for the elections, the political parties in the state have again resorted to their age-old technique: use unaccomplished manifestos with a new twist to woo the voters.

Before 2014, PDP president and former chief minister Mehbooba Mufti would visit militants’ families.

In their manifesto then, the party promised that if brought to power, it would initiate dialogue with Pakistan and Hurriyat, and also demand an end to the killings in Kashmir.

 

The PDP was highly vocal then about revocation of the draconian Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act (AFSPA).

Mehbooba, during her election campaign in 2014, once said the people of Kashmir will never sell their conscience to support the BJP.

But then she allied with the same party and at one point in time during 2016 uprising tried to justify civilian killings with her infamous ‘toffee or milk remark’.

Fast forward to 2019 and we see Mehbooba trying to weave the same story: visiting militant families, calling for Indo-Pak dialogue, talks with the separatist groups and end to civilian killings.

Recently, she even said that PDP would seek return of power projects, something her party’s manifesto read in 2014 as well.

Ask PDP Chief Spokesperson Rafi Ahmad Mir, he says their stand about dialogue ‘has not changed’. “Whether in or out of power, our stand is clear. Talks shall be held with Pakistan and Hurriyat to find a peaceful solution to Kashmir,” Mir told The Kashmir Monitor.

Mir said it was during Mufti Sayeed’s tenure “when peace returned to the valley”.

“We even formed the government with the BJP based on an agenda. Unfortunately, it could not finish its term,” he said.

Mehbooba Mufti played to the gallery when scores of civilians were killed during the National Conference-Congress government in 2010.

In 2016, National Conference (NC) leader, Omar Abdullah, returned her the favour.

Take NC as a case in point. Its repeated promise of the restoration of Autonomy is yet again being glossed up and presented to Kashmir electorate these days.

Party president, Farooq Abdullah recently urged Government of India (GoI) to invite Hurriyat and Pakistan for talks and asserted that if voted to power, his government, on very first day, would set up Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) to probe the killings in the state.

General Secretary of the NC, Ali Mohammad Sagar, said restoration of Autonomy has always been the party’s agenda.

“We always advocate for talks with Pakistan and Hurriyat. The AFSPA has to be revoked and security forces have to be pulled out from civilian areas,” Sagar said.

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